See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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