Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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