My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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