whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
