____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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