Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
