Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
