So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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