I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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