You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
