it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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