Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
