First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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