that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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