Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
