ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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