I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
