how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
