I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
