hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
