Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
