she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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