I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just had sex bonerless
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Randomize
