Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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