Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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