I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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