Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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