i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
