Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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