So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
