Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
