I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
