i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
