he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
