TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she told me i tasted like america
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
