If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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