Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Shame is for Republicans.
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