I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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