Apparently you make a good broom.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
