Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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