Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
there was a trapeze. enough said
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
