dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
