tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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