..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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