Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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