Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
