i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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