how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
