is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Every concussion has its silver lining
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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