drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
