dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
