Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
