Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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