We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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