I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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