Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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