I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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