stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
