a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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