So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
