the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
