This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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