in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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