Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
