I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize