I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
