I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
