found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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