I'm lost and stupid without you.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
