Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
