She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize