you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
