I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Randomize
