It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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