Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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