I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
