Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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