the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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