Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
