my vag is so smooth its legendary
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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