Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
