i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
