I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
