is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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