Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
