every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
