Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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