Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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