If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
