It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
