The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
even my farts smell like vagina
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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