Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
