that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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