Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
