i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize