so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize