i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
