Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Found the puke drawer
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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