There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
