There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
