P.S. I can't hear my feet
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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