it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Randomize
