Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
