I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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