11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize