Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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