you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
