Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
