Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
