I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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