We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize