I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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