I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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