Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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