I'm so fucking centered right now
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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